


Not your fault

by bronovan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (a little. nothing big), Alternate Universe - Human, Dubious Consent, Flashbacks, Humanstuck, M/M, Manipulation, Objectification, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, hypersexual character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 22:29:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8551636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bronovan/pseuds/bronovan
Summary: Cronus takes home a one night stand who turns out to be Too Much Caring for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never read anything with hypersexual characters before so yeah there we go. have some hs!cro (this is a shameless self insert right there btw)

Cronus wasn't a man of many words. He usually kept his thoughts short and preferred not to say them out loud. When he tried to seduce people, he let his body do most of the talk.

So he wasn't much of a talker. Sue him.

Which is why he's feeling very nervous as the man in front of him asks him question after question.

He met this man at his favorite bar, offered him a drink and listened patiently to anything the man told him, trying his best to look interested. Apparently the man was some sort of an activist? Cronus didn't really care. He was only interested in a quick fuck, not hearing someone's life story.

Things kept rolling in the right direction as they went to Cronus' apartment and made out against a wall as soon as they stepped in. Clothes got off on their way to Cronus' room and soon they were both lying naked in his bed, rutting desperately against each other.

His usual doubts started popping in his head. He was surprised he actually got hard, since he wasn't feeling very aroused at the moment. At least unlike his other partners, this man looked pretty hot.

Cronus could feel himself starting to shake lightly. He hoped the man – he said his name was… Kankri? Something like that – wouldn't notice and just get this over with.

Sadly, Kankri was sharper than Cronus' hopes.

"Is everything alright? We can stop if you want," Kankri whispered and backed off of him.

"Huh? No, chief. Everything's great." Cronus chuckled and tried to hide his embarrassment. Stupid stupid stupid! "Let's keep going," he tried to keep kissing Kankri, but the other man was having none of that.

"I know it's not my place to interfere with your life, but I don't think you really want it." Kankri said in a calm, collected voice. "I think it's better if I leave."

"Huh? Why?" Cronus went pale. _It's because of me,_ he told himself, _it's my fault, I'm gross, he noticed how bad and disgusting I am so he doesn't want to touch me anymore._

 "You're obviously in no state to be sleeping with someone. Please get some rest instead," Kankri got up and started dressing up, "we might meet again some time."

With that, he left.

Cronus was left alone with his thoughts after that. He could feel himself panicking. This was not what he thought would happen. This is not what he intended at all.

He felt his nails digging into his arms on their own, scratching at his skin and he couldn't do anything about it. He was too lost in thought.

 _It's my fault,_ he thought again, _my fault my fault my fault my fault. I'm disgusting I ruin everything I touch I'm good only for one thing and even for that he didn't want me._

Tears started forming in his eyes as he kept scratching his skin. _Useless, useless. Good for nothing. People only need you for sex. Fucking useless sex toy, too gross for anyone to even want you._

He fell asleep naked on his bed, bleeding a little from the scratches his nails left.

* * *

 

_"Mm, Cronus, are you going to be a good boy for me?" her voice was sickeningly sweet as she rubbed him through his pants._

_He should have been excited back then. Not every day you get to sleep with a business woman twice your age._

_Cronus felt sick._

_"That's my good boy, so good for me. My perfect little sex toy, that's what you are, right, Cronus? So good."_

_She was one of his dad's colleagues. She used to come over a lot when he was young. When he finally turned 18 she told him he was handsome. Cronus never felt more delighted._

_She whispered things in his ear, things that would make anyone get hard in five seconds. He didn't mind, but wasn't exactly interested._

_She started touching him. He didn't move._

_She kissed him. He kissed back._

_That's how they got to this situation in the first place._

_And now he was naked on his father's bed, this woman on top of him straddling his waist, really confused about the whole thing._

_At least he felt wanted. He's willing to be a good boy and a sex toy if it meant someone will want him._

_So he lied down, and let her do all the work._

* * *

Cronus woke up with an aching chest. He always feels this way after having this dream. Can you even call this a dream? It's more like re-living a memory. He always had this one after taking someone home.

He got up and went to the main room, seeing his roommate sprawled on the couch with a 3DS in his hand, sound asleep. There was a note on the table next to him.

'Hell9 Cr9nus. This is my number. Please call if y9u want t9 talk 9r meet again.'

He assumed it was from Kankri, because 1) why would Mituna leave a note like this, and 2) even Mituna doesn't write like this. Seriously, what's the deal with all these 9's?

'Eh, I've got nothing to lose,' Cronus thought and went to search for his phone. He got back in his room and grabbed it while still holding the note, starting to dial the number on it.

"Hello?" the voice he heard last night said.

"Hey, Kankri?" Cronus replied.

"Yes, who is this?"

"It's Cronus, from last night. You left a note with your number saying I can call if I want to talk or meet again."

"Oh, hello Cronus. It's a pleasure to hear from you. Are you doing alright?"

"As good as I can be, chief. And yourself?"

"Good, good. Listen, I have something to ask you and I don't want to do that over the phone. Do you want to meet over coffee later this day?"

"Sure. Text me the details."

They hung up, and Cronus got a weird feeling.

He didn't do dates. No one said this is a date, anyway. This Kankri seemed a bit worried about him last night, maybe he just needs to see him again to understand everything's fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the first chapter!!! i never wrote a chaptered fic so i hope i'll get readers (please kudos and comment it will fuel me to write more) and um if people like this i'll continue!! thank you for reading!!!! :3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus and Kankri meet and talk.

Apparently by "later this day" Kankri meant "an hour from now".

Cronus looked at the text and sighed. Was he really ready to face this man again? He usually never speaks with people he sleeps with more than once.

On the other hand, he didn't really get to sleep with Kankri. So maybe it didn't count.

He quickly got dressed, slicked his hair just the way he likes and got out of his apartment.

He got to the café they picked 10 minutes earlier, yet he still saw Kankri waiting for him with a cup of tea at one of the tables.

Cronus sat down in front of the man, trying to think how to greet him. Luckily, Kankri didn't need this sort of thing.

"Hello Cronus, I'm glad you could make it." He said.

"Sure, you seem-" Cronus didn't get to finish his sentence before Kankri started talking again.

"While I don't want to trigger you, I still think you need to talk about last night and what happened then. Do you get any professional help? Is this a result of a trauma you experienced in the past? I certainly hope I didn't trigger any flashback or PTSD meltdown for you, and if I did please let me know so I can make sure not to do it again in the future."

Cronus blinked and tried to take in everything the man in front of him said. "What, me? Trauma? No way chief, I'm fine. And forget all this talk about PTSD, I ain't a soldier or somethin'. Don't worry about me."

Kankri sighed, "you really think PTSD is something only soldiers experience? I have to admit, I find this highly problematic. But anyway, I couldn't help but notice your shaking when I touched you. People don't normally react this way in sexual situations unless something's wrong."

"And just what makes you think it's your business?" Cronus rolled his eyes, "we've only met yesterday. I don't even know you."

Kankri stared at him in surprise and disbelief, "I just want to help you, Cronus. I don't need to know you."

Another eye roll. "Okay, yeah, sure. What do I have to lose. Being psychoanalyzed by a dude I originally intended to fuck. Happens to everyone."

Kankri actually looked kind of hurt.  They sat in silence for a few seconds.

"Were you… being sarcastic?" Kankri whispered.

"Obviously."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

Cronus tried to smile soothingly, "It's okay, chief. And by the way, if you ever want to try again, I'm always available."

"Try what?" the man looked confused.

"Never mind," Cronus sighed. Looks like Kankri was a lost cause when it came to sex from now on.

"So I've been thinking," Kankri continued, "if you're willing to tell me what happened and what did you feel last night, that would really help me."

"Why are you so hooked on helping me?"

"I'm just curious. And worried. Not every time I go to bed with someone they start panicking." Kankri shrugged.

"Yeah okay that makes sense. What do you want me to tell you, again?"

"Do you know what caused your… unusual reaction last night?"

Cronus rolled his eyes again. He seemed to do it a lot today. "No idea. Anything else?"

"How did you feel?"

_Lie to him._ "Felt normal. I was probably just shaking because I was cold. I can't see what you're so curious about."

Kankri squinted and looked at him as if he's interrogating him. "Really?"

"Yep."

"Alright. And tell me, do you have any memories of abuse in your past?"

"Nope."

Kankri nodded as if he's writing notes in his head, "were you…"

"Was I what?" Cronus tilted his head to the side.

The next part was whispered, "were you raped?"

To that, he let out a huge laugh. "Do I really look like someone who'd be raped, to you? I'm like, quote, 'the epitome of desperate' according to my roommate. Just how can I be raped if I always consent to anything sexual?"

"If you don't want it, then…" Kankri started saying, but Cronus cut him off.

"I always want it." _that's a lie, you just want someone to pay attention to you, you whore._ "Never in my life have I had sex without 100% wanting it." _Stop lying, slut._

"If you say so." Kankri said. "I'd love to talk with you again some time, Cronus. Can we meet here again tomorrow at the same time? I got to get to class now."

"Sure. I'll be here." Cronus winked and got up, walking Kankri to the door then starting to walk towards the nearest 24/7 shop to get cigarettes.

* * *

_It happened more than once. Every time she came over._

_It wasn't always full sex. Sometimes she asked him to go down on her. Sometimes she jacked him off to "reward" him for how he "helps" her._

_He felt good. He was wanted by a hot older lady. It's the dream of every boy his age._

_Yet something kept nagging him and telling him this was wrong. He found out she's dating his dad couple of days prior, but he kept letting her do that. He kept letting her touch him and he kept touching her back._

_He should have told her no, but he didn't know how._

_So he just kept letting her touch him. And he kept touching her back._

_His dad didn't suspect a thing._

_He sort of hated his dad for not noticing anything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, comments and kudos fuel me, please leave some if you can!! B)  
> find me on tumblr ----> http://itscronus.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

'This will surely look good when I get my diploma,' Kankri thought as he stepped out of the café. Seriously, this whole Cronus thing wasn't even intentional, but he can totally use it for his own good.

Something in the back of Kankri's mind told him "it's a dick move, using this man's trauma to learn more about things so you'll have a project for your social studies course". He tried not to listen to that something.

'It's not like he'll know,' Kankri thought, 'and besides, it'll only help him. I'm not going to hurt him.' Yes. Kankri is a good person. He doesn't intend to hurt anyone. Cronus gets help, and Kankri gets a project. Everybody wins.

Except this nagging voice won't shut up, and he's getting sort of sick of it.

* * *

Mituna was awake when Cronus got back. He was talking to his girlfriend – Latula – on Skype and basically ignored Cronus as he stepped inside their apartment. He made sure to flick Mituna's ear when he passed next to the boy to get some attention.

"You were surprisingly quiet last night," Mituna mumbled. Well, it wasn't really a mumble. Mituna's voice was very loud. But this was his version of a mumble, "didn't get to fuck anyone for a change?"

"Shut up and be thankful I didn't fuck someone in your bed," Cronus replied angrily.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm as thankful as I can be, thank you, mighty Cronus, for blessing me with this gorgeous gift that is not fucking in my bed, because that's totally something people do. Fucking in their roommate's bed, that is."

"I know, I'm amazing."

Latula's voice could be heard from the computer's speakers, "babe? Is that your roomie?"

"Yes babe, it's Cronus. Being as douchey as ever." Mituna said and stick his tongue out to Cronus.

"Hey Latula. Fuck you Mituna." Cronus said and went to his room. He needed to talk to his brother anyway.

He stepped inside and pulled out his phone. It was the weekend, Eridan shouldn't be at school right now, and even if he's still asleep, that's his problem.

He dialed his brother's number and after two tones the line got cut. Okay, that's mean Eridan is awake, but doesn't want to answer.

That's too bad for him, then.

Cronus dialed again. One tone. Angry voice on the other side of the line greeted him.

"What do you want?" Eridan's accent rolled as he talked.

"Just wanted to check on my lovely brother today. How are you Eridan? How's school going?" Cronus felt a little guilty for probably waking Eridan up. Oh well.

"Fine. Can I hang up now?"

"I'd very much appreciate it if you didn't, dear brother," Cronus said as he lied down on the bed and put the phone on speaker.

Eridan groaned, "alright, Cronus, what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"You only call me when you feel like shit and like you need to make up for something. Which happened too much lately, so I'm starting to worry."

"You worry about me? That's so sweet," Cronus fake-"aww"ed, "but no, I promise I'm fine. I met this dude last night and-"

"You banged him, yes, I know, you always bang the dudes you meet."

"No, actually, I talked to him this time. Well, not last night, but this morning. He wouldn't want to have sex for some reason. Weird."

"Did you call me to tell me about your crush? Jesus Christ, I can't believe you're the legal adult here."

"It's not a crush, I just met him. It's just… weird. We got coffee together today. I never do those stuff."

"You never get coffee with people? Jeez Cro, I knew you were lonely, but that's sad." Eridan's giggles could be heard through the phone.

"Fuck you, you know what I meant," Cronus yelled jokingly, "I don't… I don't have coffee with people I almost bang. I've never done this before. I've never had this sex incident, ei-"

"Please spare me the details, brother."

"Fine. But really, I'm curious, how's school going?"

* * *

 

_They only got caught once._

_She was riding him when suddenly, the door opened._

_Eridan tried to scream but she was fast. She got up and covered his mouth before he could make any sound._

_"Hello Eridan. Cronus and I are just playing right now. Don't tell daddy, okay?"_

_He shook his head and tried to release from her grasp, "why shouldn't I tell him?"_

_"Because if you do, I'll make sure you get punished." Her voice sounded very cold and dark, it sent chills down Cronus's spine. He couldn't imagine how Eridan much have felt with her icy look burning into him and her cold hands on his face. "Do you want to get punished, Eridan?"_

_The child shook his head again._

_"Then don't tell Daddy, alright?" She suddenly straightened her back and smiled at him, still naked in front of the both of them._

_Eridan nodded in fear and left the room._

_She closed the door behind him, "now, where were we?"_

_She got on top of Cronus again and started kissing him._

_He wanted Eridan to tell their dad. Because he knew he wouldn't be able to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again please comment and kudos if you can!!!! :> your comments make me so so happy, thank you so much <3 <3 <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to helpfulhelpersupreme my dude, my bro

_"Hey sex toy, I want to try something new. I need you to relax."_

_She was touching all over his body. He should have felt nice. He didn't._

_"Can you get on all fours for me, baby? Think it's gonna be the best for you."_

_Alarms went off in his head. Why would she need him to get on all fours? What does she want?_

_"Relax."_

_The insertion was painful and sudden. No proper prep and not enough lube. He never tried anything like that before, and it felt… not good._

_"You're so strained… Relax now, Cronus. Be a good boy for me."_

_He couldn't. It hurt too bad. The… thing she used was too wide and too long and it touched him in places he didn't want to be touched. Each one of her thrusts hurt him so bad. He could barely think. He could barely breathe. All that went through his mind was 'stop stop stop stop stop'._

_He started crying. He thought she noticed. If she did, she didn't say anything, and certainly didn't stop._

_"This is nice, isn't it? Don't you feel special, Cronus?"_

_He nodded, because he couldn't do anything else. He wanted to feel special. He needed it. Yes, he was special. He was her good boy. He loves how she makes him feel. Yes. He's being good. She thinks he's good. That's all that matters. The pain doesn't matter. His feelings don't matter. All that matters is that he's good and special._

_She jacked him off the orgasm and kept whispering to him what a good sex toy he was._

_Cronus felt so proud and so gross at the same time._

* * *

He finished his call with Eridan and tried to look for other things to do on his phone. Nothing to do.

He tried to write some new songs. Nothing came up.

He tried to pick on Mituna. Mituna didn't cooperate and yelled at him like usual, he just ignored him.

He went back to his room and pulled out his phone again, sending a text to another familiar number, " _vwanna hang out?_ "

Porrim replied barely two seconds later. " _Sure. Meet me at the mall?_ "

He smiled at the screen when he saw the message. He hasn't seen Porrim in awhile, and their meetings always became… interesting.

Or in other words, she always ended up yelling at him that the things he says sometimes degrade women and belittles them, blah blah blah.

"I'm going out again, 'tuna." He called out into the living room as he practically ran outside.

"Stay out!" He heard his roommate said behind him when he closed the door.

He laughed a bit to himself. He knew Mituna didn't really want him to leave. Right?

Cronus shook off the thoughts of Mituna and rushed to get to the mall to see his friend. He got on a cab. The driver tried to talk to him but he remained silent for most of the drive.

When he got to the mall, his phone was ringing.

"Yo Por, I'm here already. Where should I wait?" he answered the phone when he saw her called ID.

"I'm in the food court. You?" Porrim's voice came from the other side of the line.

"Just got in, be right there."

* * *

"Cronus, dear! You don't look so good." Porrim greeted him as he spotted her and sat on the other side of the table she was sitting at.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that. Didn't sleep so well tonight." He shrugged.

"Nightmares again?"

"Yeah…"

"Oh, Cronus. I told you, you need help. Why aren't you willing to try?"

"Oh! About that," he replied, "I met a dude who said he wants to talk to me about stuff like that. Is it close enough?"

Porrim sighed, "I guess. How did you even find him?"

"Tried to sleep with him-"

"Of course you did."

"-but he wasn't willing to, said I'm in 'no state to sleep with anyone'," He tried to mimic Kankri's voice, "so we met this morning and he said he wants to talk to me and maybe help. And guess what? It's completely free! Unlike all those therapists you want me to talk to."

"Where's the catch?"

"No catch. Just a nice dude, probably."

She giggled, "it's nice to see you putting faith in human kindness for once."

"Should I be insulted by that?"

"No. Come on, I want you to try some clothes from my cousin's clothing line. It's sold in one of the stores here." She got up and pulled him up as well. Porrim lead the way as he followed her around the mall.

* * *

_Every time she brought her special toy", he felt like a girl._

_Boys don't get penetrated. Especially not by sex toys._

_Did that mean she thought he was a girl?_

_She kept telling him he's a good boy, she couldn't think he's a girl, right?_

_Then why did she keep doing this?_

_He was so confused. He was so nervous and confused. He didn't like any of this._

_He decided to ask his father once, "do you think I'm girly?"_

_His father sent him a confused look, "Why do you think so?"_

_"Just wondering."_

_"I don't think you're girly."_

_Thank you."_

_"Mindy is coming over today. I saw you guys are getting along very well."_

_"Uh… yeah. We do."_

_His father seemed to be thinking about something for a second. "I think I'm in love with her, Cronus."_

_"Oh."_

_"I think I'm gonna ask her to marry me."_

_As the man said it, Cronus had to rush to the bathroom to throw up everything he had in his stomach._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment fuel me....... thank you so much to those who leave them!!!!!!! :D


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